My Inner Lesbian and My Truest Friends

Get a little closer---closer....

Made you click. If you drop by my house tonight, you will see that there are two beautifully decorated, perfectly lit petite trees on the porch. Inside we have a tree decorated in musical themes by our baby grand piano. Our family room houses our fresh cut family tree covered in ornaments made of macaroni and glitter and toilet paper rolls. There are vacuum lines in the carpet and the granite is sparkling. There is even a pot of soup simmering on the stove. Those are the "truths" any unassuming observer would accept. Here is the reality of my home tonight. The lovely trees on my … [Read more...]

Dear Fellow Elf on the Shelf Parent

Will This Un-do the Damage? One Can Hope...

Look, let's start out with a full on psychobabble confessional. It is not you. It is me. The following is really a reflection of my poor holiday self-esteem and NOT your mind-bogglingly annoying behaviors. You see I am already sick of this season and it has only been in swing for about three days. My intentions were good on Thanksgiving morning. I signed up for a 5K knowing that those running endorphins would carry me through the merciless hours of gluttony to follow. It really was a lovely run and morning. I vowed THIS would be the year I became a LOVER of all things … [Read more...]

Jalapenos and Contacts: It Must Be Thursday

Sam's shriveled lens

I am really writing this post for sympathy because I am not sure I can continue to live in my family feeling that we are completely wacked while everyone around us lives normal, "cray-cray" free lives. Sadly, our crazy is not at all of the glamorous kind. Thursday: contacts and jalapenos. Here goes. Once the kids were all out the door, I made my way around the house picking up the carnage that remained in their bathrooms, bedrooms, and kitchen. I did the typical MOM-ADD thing. I carried a basket of clean clothes up to Maisy's room intending to just put it down. I couldn't find a … [Read more...]

The Talk: How My 14 year-old Left ME Speechless

I talk. A lot. All day. About ALL sorts of things. I talk about breasts, uteruses (or uteri--never sure of the plural on that.) I talk about prostates and PAP smears. In a word, it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers when it comes to matters of the human body and what it's capable of. That is until today. See, even though Chris and I have a 50-50 relationship, there are some things that are "assigned" and not negotiable. He does all the car stuff (especially since the untimely demise of the BMW.) I do all the shoe shopping. It is an agreement that works. In the last year (OK maybe two) Chris … [Read more...]

An Open Letter to My Dying Patient

It has taken me a year to get up the courage to post this letter. I have gotten permission from Debi's family and would like to encourage you ALL to read this letter, start Couch to 5K and run this race with us on September 21, 2014. You have plenty of time. Even if you have never run a foot. Please. Make this your summer to do what you have always wanted to do. Make Debi the reason you do it now. Join Eye of the Tiger Team Debi here. Dear Debi, I just got off the phone with you and can't seem to compose myself. The sound of your tiny 3 year old crying in the background will never … [Read more...]