Mammoth Scores and Epic Fails: Best and Worst Things My Kids Have Said

Fail: "Why would I want to be a doctor? I actually want to help people some day." Score: "Trust me Aslyn, you need to go to the nurse right now--my Mommy is a doctor." Fail: "Mom, you remind me of the evil Mom in Tangled with that crazy hair and freakishly big eyes." Score:" Mom, I saw an adorable little girl that looks more like you than I do: big blue eyes and awesome curly hair." Fail: " Mom, the heroine in this book reminds me of you: she thinks the whole world revolves around her." Score: "Mom, the heroine in this book reminds me of you: she is strong and smart and … [Read more...]

Another Day Off: Assaulted By Emoticons

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6:52 AM: I am wide awake It is Saturday morning, the house is silent save two things: my husband's rhythmic breathing interrupted now and again by a loud snort (I contemplate a strategically placed pillow but think better of it) and the diatribe in my head. "I am still tired why am I awake? Maisy has play practice at 9 Haddie and Sam have Karate at 10 then Haddie has the party at 11 and I have to get a gift for that first oh and shit Sam needs a gift for his party at 4 I will just go to Target after I drop Maisy off then get the other two to karate but I will have to pick Haddie up … [Read more...]

My Day Off

It is 8:41 pm. It feels like 2 am. I haven't done an ounce of work and yet I haven't stopped moving. 5:19 am : alarm goes off There is so much wrong with that. First, who sets an alarm for :19? Second, why am I getting up before six am EVER much less every single day including MY DAY OFF. 5:44 am: I break my first New Year's resolution: no Keurig What in the hell was I thinking vowing to stop using K-cups to save money? I stared at the DeLonghi, the filters, the grounds. I then audibly groaned and, like a heroin addict, pushed the button and stood breathing in the … [Read more...]

Moody Pre-Teen+Insecure Mom+Dog with an Eating Disorder Does Not a Good Sunday Make

Trust me, that is not an exaggeration. You may have noticed that I have been quiet this week. The truth is I have just been swamped. After waking up New Year's Day feeling puffy and slow, I decided I wanted to train to run the Broad Street Run this year. In my travels, I learned that I could start a team to raise money for the American Cancer Society. For me it was perfect: Broad Street plus a great cause--what better motivator could I need? Fast Forward. In the 21 days since I made my decision, my running team is now 35 people strong and we have already raised over $12,000.  This … [Read more...]

Padded Panties, Padded Tank Tops

Before you all get wound up and start huffing about how I will for sure anger my pre-teen daughter to the point of  no forgiveness, chill. This is not a story about my 12 year old. It's about her sister. Her baby sister--the one who is FIVE. I was inspired to tell this story when my Haddie came downstairs today dressed in a completely coordinating ensemble replete with a little cami that had been purposely and excessively stuffed with Kleenex. "Are you staring at my boobies?" she asks. Umm--no, I am staring at the mountain of tissues sitting where your boobies will someday be. … [Read more...]