Open Letter to the Mom That “Ruined” Our Day

Dear Lady Whose Kid Crapped in the Pool: I have not laid eyes on you however I imagine you are young---maybe in your thirties? You are probably a bit tired and overwhelmed. I imagine you have planned for your vacation for several months--maybe even saved up to come here. You have little ones--perhaps two or three under three? You may even have one on the way. Pay attention. What I am about to say, I say with love and experience. No doubt, you saw the scowls on the faces of HUNDREDS of people as our community pool was shut down because your son or daughter left a "floatie." I am … [Read more...]

Birdsong or Noise? You Decide.

birds crap

This morning was literally perfect: sunny, breezy and quiet. Chris and I sat on the front porch of our little beach place. We sipped coffee and talked for the first time all week. There was just one problem. Freaking chirping birds.....lots of them...and they were LOUD. Hear them here. We have been watching this family all summer. They started building a nest around Memorial Day and two weeks ago the chicks hatched. Now our quiet porch is not so much. Chris looked up at the tiny chicks with their mouths gaping wide and at the mom and dad birds flitting in and out with … [Read more...]

13 Things (Wo)men Want: A Life List for My Son on His 13th Birthday

Today, I heard Sam on the phone with a girl. He sounded a little nervous and it was cute. This post came to me after that. He will turn thirteen tomorrow. Know that the "she" in this post can easily be a "he." It is applicable to girls, boys, hetero and homosexual relationships. It is not about sexual roles. It's about healthy, fulfilling relationships. 13 Things (Wo)men Want 1. Laughter: Make her laugh often and then laugh at yourself. Life can be serious enough. I guarantee you if you are laughing, you are not fighting. 2. Honesty: No, not when she asks you if she looks like a … [Read more...]

My Inner Lesbian and My Truest Friends

Get a little closer---closer....

Made you click. If you drop by my house tonight, you will see that there are two beautifully decorated, perfectly lit petite trees on the porch. Inside we have a tree decorated in musical themes by our baby grand piano. Our family room houses our fresh cut family tree covered in ornaments made of macaroni and glitter and toilet paper rolls. There are vacuum lines in the carpet and the granite is sparkling. There is even a pot of soup simmering on the stove. Those are the "truths" any unassuming observer would accept. Here is the reality of my home tonight. The lovely trees on my … [Read more...]

Dear Fellow Elf on the Shelf Parent

Will This Un-do the Damage? One Can Hope...

Look, let's start out with a full on psychobabble confessional. It is not you. It is me. The following is really a reflection of my poor holiday self-esteem and NOT your mind-bogglingly annoying behaviors. You see I am already sick of this season and it has only been in swing for about three days. My intentions were good on Thanksgiving morning. I signed up for a 5K knowing that those running endorphins would carry me through the merciless hours of gluttony to follow. It really was a lovely run and morning. I vowed THIS would be the year I became a LOVER of all things … [Read more...]

Jalapenos and Contacts: It Must Be Thursday

Sam's shriveled lens

I am really writing this post for sympathy because I am not sure I can continue to live in my family feeling that we are completely wacked while everyone around us lives normal, "cray-cray" free lives. Sadly, our crazy is not at all of the glamorous kind. Thursday: contacts and jalapenos. Here goes. Once the kids were all out the door, I made my way around the house picking up the carnage that remained in their bathrooms, bedrooms, and kitchen. I did the typical MOM-ADD thing. I carried a basket of clean clothes up to Maisy's room intending to just put it down. I couldn't find a … [Read more...]

The Talk: How My 14 year-old Left ME Speechless

I talk. A lot. All day. About ALL sorts of things. I talk about breasts, uteruses (or uteri--never sure of the plural on that.) I talk about prostates and PAP smears. In a word, it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers when it comes to matters of the human body and what it's capable of. That is until today. See, even though Chris and I have a 50-50 relationship, there are some things that are "assigned" and not negotiable. He does all the car stuff (especially since the untimely demise of the BMW.) I do all the shoe shopping. It is an agreement that works. In the last year (OK maybe two) Chris … [Read more...]

An Open Letter to My Dying Patient

It has taken me a year to get up the courage to post this letter. I have gotten permission from Debi's family and would like to encourage you ALL to read this letter, start Couch to 5K and run this race with us on September 21, 2014. You have plenty of time. Even if you have never run a foot. Please. Make this your summer to do what you have always wanted to do. Make Debi the reason you do it now. Join Eye of the Tiger Team Debi here. Dear Debi, I just got off the phone with you and can't seem to compose myself. The sound of your tiny 3 year old crying in the background will never … [Read more...]

Casualties of a Poolside Happy Hour

Why? Why not a hat like a normal person?

You may have heard a time or two over the past few days about our weekend at the beach. I told you about the country club/beach chair fiasco. You nodded your heads about our excursion to the actual beach from our comfy cool resort community. But really, it all fell apart in that last couple of hours. Here is the scenario. We were tired and hot and irritated after lugging our seven kids and mountains of crap to and from the beach. We had watched the boys ravage the quiet dining room with folding chairs strapped to their backs. We had listened to a litany of complaints about such "beachy" … [Read more...]

26 Phrases That WILL Break a Beach Loving Mom

I am a beach loving mom. That means I love the beach, I have children, and I have a very bad memory. The following scenario has played out practically without change dozens of times over the years and yet...I keep going to the beach with my kids...because 1. I am desperate and 2. I forget. After an eternity of packing the perfect food, chairs, toys, drinks, mats, towels, goggles, sand-proof speaker, boogie boards, and Wonder Wheeler (which by the way every family really needs TWO of,) we drove 7.5 miles (in 40 minutes) to the beach. We sat in traffic and then sat and waited … [Read more...]