Fear of Blood and—the Tooth Fairy?

photo (1) I really should be running 6 miles right now but I can’t. I. Am. Stinkin’. Tired.

Why?  Well, I have not recovered from Monday night. When I was up most of the night. No, not calls from patients, blood curdling screams from my 6 year old.

Monday was a fine day of work. I actually got home in time to lure my kids to the pool. Only one fell for it. So, at five o’clock Haddie and I had a “date.” We swam, floated, played catch, and squirted each other with water guns. I was so happy to be outside that I failed to notice that in the entire 21/2 hours we were out, Hadley ate exactly 3 french fries and one fudgecicle.

It occurred to me  7 melt downs  later that perhaps the child needed real food.  So, while Sam and his buddy Jake  slurped ice cream cones in the backseat, Haddie gnawed on a custom built Wawa hoagie the size of her head. More than once I glanced in my rearview mirror and smiled at the sight of my tiny girl  flanked by two big boys. I didn’t even mind the dripping ice cream or the flying olives and pickles. The windows were down, the sun had just started to set, the music was turned up, and everyone was just happy. Until:

OH MY GOD MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! HELP!! I’M BLEEDING!

It is a miracle I kept the car on the road.

A minute later, it was clear.

On one tenacious bite, Hadley had left her bottom middle tooth in the hoagie. And there was blood. A lot of it.

My child, the product of two doctors who see blood and excrement and various unsavory body fluids daily is TERRORIZED by the sight of blood: any blood. But, she is especially spastic about HER blood.

Sam shoved a Kleenex in her mouth while Jakey attempted to distract her with a list of all the financial rewards associated with tooth losing. ” Hadley! I wish I could keep losing teeth! You know how much stuff you could buy losing all those teeth?”

Finally, one of the two boys got her attention.

“Yes, really Hads! The tooth fairy will give you money for your tooth!”

She is perplexed. Then the questions.

“Where does she live?”

“How does she get in my room?”

“How much money does she leave?”

“How does she know I lost my tooth?”

“Does she know Santa?”

Finally, what felt like a week later, it was bedtime.

Bathed, brushed, tooth and note properly packaged, Haddie crawled into bed and I right next to her.

The conversation continued as her panic barely kept from boiling over. At one point, she bolted up off of her pillow.

“Mom.” Here comes an announcement.

“I want you to put my tooth outside my door. I don’t need her to come in here. And, I really don’t want her to touch my pillow.”

I sigh and move the Ziplock to the hall and trudge to my own bed where I collapse in a heap.

Chris: “Tooth Fairy?”

“Yep.” I am annoyed that I had to handle that situation while he was out “working” again. Let me tell you about work Mister.

A mother’s work….

I must have fallen asleep in less than 5 minutes –clothes and shoes still on.

At 2:30 am I was awakened by a second blood curdling scream and pleas for help.

This time, there was no consoling that child. Her little body shook and trembled as she cried.

I…..Don’t….Ever… Want…sniff….the …Tooth….sniffle….Fairy …. To…Come…In…My….Room.

I am not sure how long I was in there but one thing is certain, in the morning, I felt like I had been hit by a bus.

Hadley, however, was chipper as can be. She flaunted her carefully printed note from TF herself and counted out her dollars.

As I broke fast with 600 mg of Ibuprofen and scalding hot coffee, she makes an observation.

“You know what Mom? I think it would just be better if YOU put money under my pillow the next time I lose a tooth. Um…do you ever have real dollars Momma? See…like these?? Not credit cards…dollars…like these…maybe daddy knows……Hey DAAAAAAAAD……..”

Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    This was one of the best stories EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    OMG !!!!! She’s too funny !!!!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Love this…I literally read and acted this scenario out for Mike as I read it…

  4. Anonymous says:

    So great to know it doesn’t just happen in my house!!!!!!

  5. Ms. Rhonda says:

    She was wiggling that tooth proudly during in between Princess dances and WaWa Hoagies all week!

  6. Doc Shannon says:

    Wow. That is amazing. My Baby is the same way! I just never can put anything into words to be so entertaining. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Anonymous says:

    I think this was hysterical! I laughed so loud my grandchildren came running in to see what was so funny!!!

  8. Out of the mouths of babes way to funny. I’ve heard that b4 u now pop pop real money.
    Mark

  9. jeanna imbesi says:

    You are amazing! I think you missed your other calling… writing books, scripts, short stories such as you are doing now. Your stories no matter what they are about are interesting, funny and well written .
    Your daughter is funny also.

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