If I Managed My Business the Way I Manage My Household

I would be broke.

It really boils down to four things: Organization, Communication, Budget Mindedness, and People Skills.

I am not going to mince words or wax humble: I am a good business woman.

What about Meyer Family, LLC? Yep. Not so much.

I took a few of yesterdays TRUE occurences and translated them to business situations just for kicks.

Organization

CMMD

I have a computerized schedule that is color coded and broken down into 15 minute or 30 minute slots. Patients are meticulously scheduled using a painfully rigorous set of rules laminated and placed strategically by every computer screen. Deviations, exceptions and mistakes are not acceptable.

Meyer Family, LLC

Today, I finished one such perfectly scheduled day at exactly at 3:30. I deferred my bladder emptying so that I could be at M’s school by 3:45 (her stated pick up time). I sat in the car squirming and contemplating a sidewalk squat (too many people know me around here) until 4:10 when she graciously calls me from a friend’s phone to tell me her pick up time is actually 5:30.

What would that look  like at CMMD?

“Sorry Ma’am, your appointment is actually one hour and 45 minutes from now. No, I am so sorry, you can’t use our bathroom –it is for patients with CURRENT appointments.We do have a lovely sidewalk outside though”

It goes on.

Meyer Family, LLC

I head home knowing I will have exactly 5 minutes to pee (finally) and change before I am due to get Sam at Lego club (4:30 pick up time.) I arrive at 4:32 to an empty school vestibule. No Sammy. He did not have Lego club today, he had student council. That lets out in 15 more minutes.

 CMMD

“I know you thought you were having a blood pressure check today, but it’s actually going to be your prostate exam–and you have to wait 15 minutes for it OK?”

New Dr. please.

Communication

CMMD

We don’t STOP communicating. We message, meet, have lunch, meet again. We review, analyze and break down. We call each other constantly. We call and email patients nonstop–almost to the point of stalkerdom.

Meyer Family, LLC

I can’t communicate with my daughter because she doesn’t have her phone. She doesn’t have her phone because she lost it for one week. She lost it for a week for “communicating“, loudly, rudely and disrespectfully in front of 6 of her mother’s guests.

If Sam’s parents could “take a lunch meeting” now and again, perhaps one CEO  would have filled the other in on the shenanigans in store for the week so she could at least build in a 5 minute cushion for bladder relief.

Budget

CMMD

We shop for the best price on everything from vaccines to K-Kups. We run accounts at 3 different office supply companies: paper cheaper here, ink here, pens here.   I have no problem dumping one vendor we have had for years if another can get me the same thing at a better price.

Meyer Family, LLC

Going to more than one grocery store is like asking me to go sunbathe in Siberia. I know that toilet paper in bulk is cheaper at BJs, I just can’t make myself go to two stores. So, one of two scenarios occurs: either I get 50 apples for dirt cheap and throw half of them away OR I spend twice as much on TP and buy it oh…twice a week. Yes, we have some toilet paper obscessed people in our house (not naming names…just know that if we run low, there is panic)

People Skills

Meyer Family, LLC

Haddie:  “Mama, my tummy hurts.”

Mama[distracted by a text]: “Sorry honey, why don’t you go sit on the potty, maybe you need to go poop.”

CMMD

Patient: “Dr. Meyer, I have stomach pain.”

Dr. M[updating FB status]: “Mr. So, I think you need to move your bowels”

New Dr. please.

Meyer Family, LLC

M has  a sore throat. I just feed her Motrin and shoo her to school–for days. On day 3, she lifts her shirt ot show me a rash. The good diagnostician says “Huh, how about that? Looks just like a Strep rash!” Three days, a quart of children’s Motrin, and countless exposures later,  a rapid test confirms the diagnosis.

CMMD

Dr: “Mr. So, I know you have been telling me your throat hurt for four days and I just told you to take Motrin.  I really just needed to see that telltale rash.  Better late than never with those antibiotics huh?”

New Dr. please.

So what now?

I will try to review pick up schedules over a  coffee meeting with my husband now and again. I will try to give my kids the 100% attention they deserve (especially when they are sick). I will most certainly pee before I leave the sanctuary of my office.

Shopping around for the best prices on TP? Right after I book that flight to Siberia.

Comments

  1. Marlene Matarazzo says:

    This is too funny. Ah – the things life teaches us. Most importantly, always empty your bladder before leaving the house or the office. There are so many times I have sighed in relief for doing that because we have been caught in traffic etc.

  2. Cari says:

    Guess I’m going to Siberia with you!! One stop shopping is my mantra

  3. Christine says:

    Amen!!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Lol! As I just pulled into wawa to use the bathroom on my way to Tae kwon do- just thought I could make the hour commute on a full bladder! What was I thinking? Not after 3 kids! :)

  5. Pat O says:

    laughed till I cried! then sent it to my dtr who has similar episodes!!

  6. Christine says:

    that’s it Pat O. living for laughs….laughing to survive the chaos!

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