Moody Pre-Teen+Insecure Mom+Dog with an Eating Disorder Does Not a Good Sunday Make

The product of all of those dishes

The product of all of those dishes

Trust me, that is not an exaggeration. You may have noticed that I have been quiet this week. The truth is I have just been swamped. After waking up New Year’s Day feeling puffy and slow, I decided I wanted to train to run the Broad Street Run this year. In my travels, I learned that I could start a team to raise money for the American Cancer Society. For me it was perfect: Broad Street plus a great cause–what better motivator could I need?

Fast Forward.

In the 21 days since I made my decision, my running team is now 35 people strong and we have already raised over $12,000.  This amazing set of accomplishments comes at a price: I am freaking busy…as if I wasn’t before. So, in an effort to have my kids actually recognize me, I decided to try to include them in our efforts.  This weekend, Chris was away (whole separate post on that.) So, I decided to see if Maisy wanted to help me. I asked timidly “Hey sweetie, how about you invite some friends over to make muffins that I can sell in the office for the team?”

What was that? Oh. My. God. She actually just smiled at me.

In a desperate move to keep her from changing her disposition to the snarly, irritated kid that I force myself to love despite disliking, I said yes to every request. Three friends? Sure. Sunday right before dinner? Sure. Chocolate chocolate chip? Sure. $50 in ingredients, two hours at Wegmans—sure sure sure.

We got home and the girls all got to work. Hours later,  I had just washed literally every bowl, spatula and mixing utensil in my kitchen. I had wiped down every surface, door knob and handle. How they got chocolate batter on the bathroom counter UPSTAIRS I will never know.  Anyway, kitchen sparkling, I pulled the trays of muffins out of the oven–they looked and smelled GREAT.

Sadly, my disabilty took hold at that moment. Since I was only blessed with two functioning hands, I asked Maisy to set the muffins on the counter to cool while I helped Hadley write her story (yes, she can’t read but she wanted, right then and there, to write a story.)

It wasn’t until I heard the eery silence of our normally rambunctious dog that I thought to look up.

Tragedy #1: What was left of the muffins was now on the kitchen floor in a tangled mess of tins, papers, crumbs and dog saliva.

Tragedy #2: Lucy is like Chris. She knows something will make her sick and yet she eats it and eats it and eats it. Only, she has the decency to keep her moaning and belching to herself. And, she does not tie up the bathroom for hours while complaining about how “she loves onions but they just don’t love her…” I digress.

What Lucy does instead is puke. And puke. And puke. All over my newly scrubbed kitchen.

So, after happily enagaging my cranky daughter and her friends, scrubbing their pots, pans, and muffin batter from every nook and cranny upstairs and down, helping my five year old spell “Once upon a time” no less than 17 times, I proceeded to clean up dog puke.

And I was not gracious about it.

Haddie: “Mom, it’s not nice to say you wish Lucy would have died from eating that much chocolate. I think I am going to have to tell Dad.”

So now, my ungrateful 5 year old is going to snitch me out to my husband, who has managed to annoy me about his eating habits despite being 1000 miles away at the time.

And, I have exactly 2 lousy muffins to sell. Unless, they fetch $500 each, that was not a very good investment of my time, effort, and sanity.


  1. You really know how to start my day with a good laugh.

  2. Oh my!!!! I can totally see all this happening. Don’t ask me how I know, I just “know”. :) Remember, Leah is two months older than Maisy!!! :)

  3. I’m laughing out loud literally, not at the situation but because I have been there, done that too! I hope you atleast had a glass or two of wine :)

  4. Thanks for the support ladies–it does make me feel less crazy!

  5. Wendy Ford says:

    Been there and done that! Our dogs tend to give a gurgling warning that if heard, you can get them outside, but cat puke on the other hand puts me over the edge!

    As I was about 30 minutes into my run on the treadmill yesterday, Taylor (age 5 & 11.5/12ths) comes sprinting out to the porch to tell me the cat is gonna throw up! “Mom hurry Vadar is making that sound! Hurry hurry and bring the paper towels and spray!” Hurry? At this point on the treadmill hurry was not in my vocabulary. And I was not stopping my run short to clean up cat puke! It could wait!! I then hear Taylor shout “Mom he’s barfing!! Come quick!!” (i wonder who I can yell at for teaching her what ‘barfing’ was) Of course when I did not respond to her liking, she returned to the porch to address my apathy to this emergency. “Mom why aren’t you coming???” as calmly as I could while breathing heavily said: “honey, the cat puke will be there in 14 minutes when I’m done.” She calmly replied “ok mom, but when you come in bring lots of paper towels because it’s gross!” Thanks Taylor, maybe I’ll run a bit longer today…

  6. Oh my God Wendy…that does top it all! Only you could tie in running with puking pets…now if only there was a tie to how you turned that into cash for the cause! you are my hero!

  7. Jeanie Eves says:

    Call ME next time. You can relax and not only will I make the cupcakes for you, I will wrap each one up in cute paper adorned with ribbon, and deliver to your office for you to “sell” to help raise money! My treat!!!

    • Jeanie
      I will take you up on that. Please feel free to bring any donated goodies at any time–we are scrambling to raise every dollar we can for our charity! Thank you so much!

  8. Joan McFadden says:

    Ha Ha Ha! Sorry you had to go through that but it made for a VERY amusing story. I can share a similar experience with a house cleaned for company, dessert cooling on top of the counter, and a 6 month old counter-surfing puppy…. but you can probably guess the ending…

%d bloggers like this: