It is 8:41 pm.
It feels like 2 am.
I haven’t done an ounce of work and yet I haven’t stopped moving.
5:19 am : alarm goes off
There is so much wrong with that. First, who sets an alarm for :19? Second, why am I getting up before six am EVER much less every single day including MY DAY OFF.
5:44 am: I break my first New Year’s resolution: no Keurig
What in the hell was I thinking vowing to stop using K-cups to save money? I stared at the DeLonghi, the filters, the grounds. I then audibly groaned and, like a heroin addict, pushed the button and stood breathing in the instantaneous aroma. It would be the last moment of pleasure for a long while.
5:55 am: “Shit. We don’t have any food for lunches ”
Who are the people that always have appropriate food for their kids lunches at the ready? Today, M got a granola bar, Cheez-its, a Clementine from Christmas–hopefully its ok. I rationalize by saying she will eat a good breakfast.
6:27 am: Glare at Chris
So many reasons. First, why can he get up at 6:15, be downstairs at 6:27 and not even be rushing despite having to be at work at 7 am? Meanwhile it is MY DAY OFF and I am up before 6.
Second, how can any person, at 6:27 am, when it is pitch black outside and 18 degrees be so happy and FRISKY??? “Seriously??? I want to punch you in the face not “go back upstairs.”
Third, he has the nerve to enjoy his customary bowl of cereal and casually remark on the fact that “there goes the last drop of milk.” What kind of father uses up the last of the milk when his kids have only this meal to get them through the day?
6:55 am: Maisy Fight #1
“No, you cannot join School of Rock. ”
“Yes, you will let the dog out.”
“No, I haven’t seen your Uggs.”
“Yes, you will let the dog out.”
“No, you cannot have your phone back.”
“Yes, it is fair.”
“No, I am not mean.”
“Yes, you are too young to love a boy.”
“Yes, you did say that in a text, I saw it.”
“No., you don’t have any privacy in this horrible house.”
“TAKE. THE. GODDAMNED. DOG. OUT.”
7:20 AM: Drive Maisy to the bus stop because it’s cold and I feel guilty about the “love” comment.
7:30 AM: Shit. Sam has to be at school in 20 minutes for chorus.
I curse the liberal moron that decided kids needed “the arts” to round out their education. And why can’t they bus kids to these activities…don’t I pay taxes for that?
7:32 AM: Fight #1 with Sam
“No, you cannot wear that windbreaker today. It is 18 degrees out.”
“Where is your winter coat?’
“Why is it at school?”
“Can you explain to me why we spend $100 on a goddamned winter coat if you are going to leave it in school? Don’t you dare even think about coming home without that coat today. Do you understand me Mister??”
7:55 AM: Drop Sam off and I cry because he is my best kid and I screamed at him about his coat.
8:05 AM: Convince Haddie to let me drive her to school in 35 minutes as opposed to putting her on the bus in 20.
Why you ask?
So that I actually can take a shower before MY DAY OFF starts.
8:50 AM: Back at the same school I was one hour ago.
“Get out of the car sweetie, I love you. Have a great day!”
“Honey, you have to get out of the car now. What do you mean you are scared? I can’t walk you in honey, there are 50 cars behind me. Please get out of the car. Why are you crying??”
8:53 AM: Walk Haddie into the building.
“Yes Ma’am I know I am blocking the way but she is 5 and well, I guess I never dropped her off alone before….and…….” Outwardly I am timid and apologetic but in my head, there is a firestorm.
“WHAT???? NO. YOU. ARE. A. MORON! I AM ACTUALLY A HIGHLY EDUCATED WOMAN! I JUST DON’T LOOK IT RIGHT NOW. DON’T JUDGE ME. COME TO MY OFFICE TOMORROW. I WILL SHOW YOU HOW I LOOK ON A NORMAL DAY I HAVE FANCY CLOTHES AND SHOES TOO BITCH. I DON’T USUALLY HAVE MY FLANNEL JAMMIE PANTS AND SLIPPERS ON ITS JUST THAT TODAY GOT AWAY FROM ME….. ITS JUST THAT TODAY… is my day off.”