I don’t know what I did to deserve this and I don’t care. I am in heaven.
7:54 pm I have all five at my fingertips.
Tonight, Haddie is spending the night at a neighbor’s. Chris took the older kids and some friends to the movies. I had a couple (or three teensy tiny mini) beers with my neighbor. I gave Haddie a kiss goodnight and walked home–relaxed and starving.
Next thing I know, the house is empty and quiet…so quiet.
I am feeding myself. I do not have to have a balanced meal. I opt to grill five shrimp and one ear of corn. Nothing green…unless you count the “lime” in my Bud Lite Lime.
Dessert is the end of a quart of vanilla ice cream and 3 1/2 mini almond biscotti.
I put on the Food Network. They don’t have fight scenes on the Food Network. There are no 20 minute crash scenes. There is no tween declaring her love for the boy at the locker next to her.
There is food…and cooking…and I am happy.
I think about getting up to pee. Nope.
No one and nothing could possibly get me up right now. The kids are enjoying Wolverine with their Dad. Haddie is having the time of her life. Lucy is ….Don’t know. Don’t care.
I have finally gotten the gumption up to put my PJs and slippers on. The comforter is pefectly smooth. The Tempurpedic is molded to my butt.
Against my will, my mind starts to go through the check list of Hadley’s bedtime essentials.
3. Blankie–I’m sure she grabbed that.
She does ALWAYS want me to put her to bed. We have the same ritual..and it takes 40 minutes. On Sundays it ends with “love you Mama–see you in the morning…oh..tomorrow is Monday…I won’t see you until dinnertime..right Mama?? You will be home for dinner?”
My heart hurts.
As I try to find that comfy perfect place I had a second ago, my foot brushes against something soft at the foot of my bed.
I reach down and pull it up…
It’s Haddie’s blankie.
I know my girl. She has slept with that blankie since she came home from the hospital. It goes everywhere with her. She will not be able to sleep without it.
So much for my perfect evening.
As I contemplate the true necessity of clothes for the short trek across the backyard, this weird feeling comes over me.
I am not annoyed.
I am not disappointed.
I am not rummaging for an excuse NOT to go.
I am a little–
I put my shoes on and look at the clock: 8:38 pm.
My perfect “evening” has not even lasted an hour…and that was just enough.