If you answered yes to any of those questions, get the #%^& off my blog. This is not one of those posts.
First, a disclaimer. When I am beaten down, all the little oddities about Chris that can be endearing, make me irate. Let’s just say this week, I have been beaten to a pulp.
I think it is upon me now because of the report I got from a friend last night. Apparently, while I was slaving for my fifteenth hour on HIPAA crap, he was outside with the neighborhood kids making a declaration. “From now on, I am doing what makes me happy..not what is socially acceptable.” To which my friend questioned “And, um since when has anything you’ve done been socially acceptable?”
My esteemed husband is unaware of many social rules of fashion, behavior, and general existence in a civilized society.
Here are some of my favorites.
Chris seems to be oblivious to the fact that “Under Armour” garments are meant to be worn “under” other, less snug fitting exercise clothes. So, pretty much daily, I am victim to the visual of his obscene running attire replete with the unmistakable streak of ass sweat.
Do you remember the last time “acid washed” anything was fashionable? Well, my darling husband will wear no other kind of denim. He must have faded, tapered at the ankle, loose in the thigh Wranglers. Where oh where can he find such abhorable jeans you ask?
His favorite clothing store of course: BJ’s. Yes, he is the guy in front of you buying jeans, undershirts, and an 8 lb bag of beef jerky.
He is, after all, a professional. So, jeans at work are a no-no. Chris instead wears cargo pants. It is sad to see a piece of his soul die every time I tell him that cargo pants (like denim shorts) have no place in a grown man’s closet.
Love of Pick Ups
Yes, trucks. After a minor altercation between my car and the mailbox we needed a rental car. Naturally he chose a F150: perfect for “moving stuff and besides, we could throw all the neighborhood kids in the back!”
Scotch and Shreddin’
You may have heard about the skateboard thing last week. Well, he did it. Now he owns his very own “rad board Dude!” I have a feeling his new found love of Scotch and his fixation with “shreddin’” like an imbecile are a story in the making. Stay tuned.
The poor man’s feet are tethered to shoes all day! Why wouldn’t he walk the dog, get the mail, or go over to the neighbors in bare feet? I will tell you why. Because he is a respected member of a civilized society for the love of God.
I know I am taking a lot off of my chest right now. But, probably tomorrow as we are in the office together, I will hear a little boy come barreling up to “Doctoo Maya! Doctoo Maya!” Chris will crouch down happily for his gigantic hug. Or, maybe a shy three-year old in a pretty sundress and her fingers in her mouth will present him with a colorful self-portrait. Chris will proudly tack it to his board and show it to all who will see.
Later, when we are all home, he will hug Haddie good night with his eyes shut tight to savor the moment. He will chase Sammy around the house tickling him until he snorts and begs for mercy. He and Maisy will play a duet. Train’s “Marry Me” will make me cry despite myself. When the house is quiet, he will swat my ass and tell me I am beautiful…but could use a shower. I will not be able to hold back my laughter. Just like that I will have no idea what I started to say about Under Armour and acid washed jeans. Instead, I will think to myself, I am a pretty lucky girl….