I am a beach loving mom. That means I love the beach, I have children, and I have a very bad memory.
The following scenario has played out practically without change dozens of times over the years and yet…I keep going to the beach with my kids…because
1. I am desperate and
2. I forget.
After an eternity of packing the perfect food, chairs, toys, drinks, mats, towels, goggles, sand-proof speaker, boogie boards, and Wonder Wheeler (which by the way every family really needs TWO of,) we drove 7.5 miles (in 40 minutes) to the beach.
We sat in traffic and then sat and waited for a parking spot.
Then we sat outside our car and waited for the second vehicle in our caravan to arrive.
Then we tortured the park ranger about how many more cars they were going to let in before closing the lot and the beach.
Then I rued the day I chose to go to a state park beach.
Finally it was time to find that prime beach real estate: near the bathrooms and lifeguards. Close to the water but not so close as to have to move when the tide came in.
We screwed our miracle beach umbrella things in.
We opened our chairs.
We lined up our shoes and turned on the music.
We arranged the back pack full of the makings of a Salty Dog strategically under an umbrella and away from the kids.
We slathered everybody up in SPF 50 while they wriggled and fidgeted around.
Then we finally took our seats and pulled out our books.
Then the kids began to speak.
1. I want to carry something.
2. I can’t carry that.
3. The sand is too hot.
4. The water is too cold.
5. I’m hungry.
6. Is that all we have?
7. I want ice cream.
8. Build a castle with me.
9. Build a castle with me.
10. Build a castle with me.
11. My ice cream is melting.
12. Come in the water.
13. Come in the water.
14. Come in the water.
15. I have sand in my mouth.
16. I have sand in my butt.
17. I have sand in my cut.
18. I don’t need sunscreen.
19. I’m sunburned (crying.)
20. MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!THAT LADY IS HUGE!!!
21. Build a castle with me.
22. I have to go to the bathroom.
23. NO NOT POOP MOM!!PEE!
24. NO MOM!! I AM NOT GOING TO PEE IN THE OCEAN!!!
22. I’m bored.
23. I want to go to the pool.
24. When can we go to the pool?
25. Are we still going to the pool?
26. WHAT? We’re leaving?? (crying)