The Case of the Missing Croissant

Pretty Mama Pretty HaddieHave to share this right now. I cannot stop laughing about it.

On Monday, I made hamburgers for the kids and I. We had a huge thing of ground beef so I decided that after dinner I would make meatballs for Chris on Tuesday night (trying to save my kids from their usual Tuesday night meal of raw green beans, broccoli, carrots and applesauce.)

I put the extra meat in a silver mixing bowl on the counter and started to round up all the other ingredients. I got as far as having the seasonings and bread crumbs in a mixing bowl when I realized the meat bowl was not on the counter.

I must have put it in the fridge.

No.

I know, I put it in the freezer.

No.

Crap. I put it in the pantry when I went for the breadcrumbs.

No.

That God forsaken bowl was nowhere to be found. I retraced every step including the laundry room, bathroom and mailbox. With every unlikely place I grew more and more paranoid that I had gone mad. I started to have a panic attack. My kids were visibly shaken. I was so distraught that I didn’t bother putting the other stuff away. I just left it out…cans of sauce, spices, chopped garlic–all on the counter. When Chris got home, he immediately started putting it all away..never questioning why there was a mise en place with no meal in progress.

Around 10:30 that night, I went out to check on my patio flowers. There on the patio was my silver mixing bowl. It was empty and adorned with the unmistakeable teethmarks of my most loathsome dog.

I went to bed cursing the day that dog came into my life. I wondered how long it would take for 3 pounds of raw beef to work it’s way through her system and onto my rug. I also began to seriously question my self doubt. I really thought that I had misplaced that bowl. I had myself convinced that it was my mind that was the size of a walnut (easy there dog lovers, I know her brain is a bit larger than a walnut.)

Then today, the unimaginable. Seriously, I could not make this story up.

Hadley and I had a busy morning. Per our routine we stopped at Starbucks where I ordered two iced coffees with cream, one decaf one regular and one croissant. Hadley is after all MY girl. She sipped her coffee patiently while the nice man helped another customer.

“The croissant is coming up —just a sec.” He smiled.

We stood and chatted and waited for our pastry. We discussed the importance of accessories and why some people have funny teeth. I explained the difference between iced and hot coffee and we discussed how our weekly coffee stop should be our secret from Dad. After a while, I started to loudly fumble with my keys to get the young man’s attention.

“Can I help you?”

“Umm…we are STILL waiting for our croissant.” I am irritated. Hadley sips away content as can be.

“Oh…” He looks bewildered. “I…it was…I know…I had the bag in my hand…it was here a second ago.”

I watched the poor guy spin around. Admittedly, I was slightly ecstatic to see someone half my age and twice my cool losing their mind too…

Finally, he called off the search and fetched a croissant from the case.

Hadley and I gathered our bags of K-cups, our coffee drinks, her baby doll and my gigantic heavy purse and fumbled our way to the car. She chooses that moment to tell me she’s not really hungry for her croissant. I sigh.

“It’s OK honey, just hold it in case you get hungry later.”

“Momma can you please hold it for me??” she whines. “My arms are FULL!”

As usual, my hands were fuller. I literally had my keys in my mouth. ” Just put the croissant in my purse Haddie.” I mumble. She tosses it in with a flourish.

Finally we are situated with our seat belts on.

I am not quite out of the parking lot when Hadley speaks up. “That’s funny isn’t it Mom?”

“What’s funny honey?” I smile. I so love this kid.

” It’s funny that I put the croissant in your purse. Purses aren’t for holding FOOD Mama!”

“Right honey but today it’s OK. One little croissant in my purse is no big deal.”

She is quiet.

“Mama?”

“Yes my love.”

She is very serious as if on the witness stand.

“One croissant is OK?…….Um… what about two?”

Comments

  1. LMAO! It is so good to hear that these things happen to other people!

  2. Jen says:

    You are a great writer and very entertaining. I thought you were going to tell me there was a bowl of meat in there!

  3. Tracy H. says:

    LOL, so happy to hear that these things happen to other people too.

  4. Yes girls…if ever in doubt…ask me.. for sure it (whatever it is) has happened to me.

  5. Has your hand been caught in a vending machine while trying to recover your PAID snicker ???… Yep… It has happened and I wasn’t a child… Sight…

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