Vacation Low Point: My Panties Laying On A Restaurant Floor

Don't Let Her Smile Fool You

Don’t Let Her Smile Fool You

me and haddie restaurantI will give you a moment.
You OK?
Half way through what has turned out to be a glorious and restful vacation in the Outer Banks, I hear my mother-in-law utter words that no daughter-in-law should ever have to hear.

“Hadley, are those Mommy’s panties in your purse?”

My mind spins. I am awake. This is not a dream. I have only had one mojito.

Hadley is sitting between Sandy and I on our way to dinner. On her lap, she is holding a gigantic canvas bag—her purse. Just out of the corner of that bag I see a tiny silken bit of charcoal fabric. At the moment, I am not sure what’s worse: the fact that they are, in fact, my panties or the fact that Sandy recognized them.

I give Hadley a stern look as I yank them out of her bag. She protests. “But Mama! I am using those!”

“For what?” Now I am shouting and Chris and his father are looking back. Great.

I lean in so that whatever ridiculous explanation she has does not have to be heard by all.

“I am using them as a cathe for my thell phone.” She is gritting her teeth, Her “s” sounds are lisping through the gap in her bottom row.

As I attempt to scrunch my panties into as small a ball as possible in order to make them disappear, I meet with a bit of resistence. That’s when I withdraw from the “crotch pocket” a red #7 Uno game card.

Not an Uno Card

Not an Uno Card

Hadley answers my wordless question. “That’s my thell phone–it fits perfect in that cathe.”

I am not patient nor encouraging of her lively imagination.

“That is not a cell phone and my panties are not a case! Do not ever ever do that again.”

For a moment she looks wounded then a tiny grin and giggle erupt.

She taunts me. ” I already did it last night Mama! You didn’t even see!”

Oh God. I am regretting the second Margarita at the Mexican place and the happily unaware place it took me.

Now she furrows her brows and appears a bit concerned.

“It’s a good thing you had lot’s of these same panties in your drawer Mama! Cuz, last night I dropped my other ones–it was too dark to find them on the floor.”

I am staring open mouthed.

She is naive and tries to console me.

“It’s ok Mama! I am sure they have a lost and found!”

It took a while for me to really get a hold of the situation and honestly I can’t decide the worst part.
Was it the fact that a pair of my panties were found by some hapless busboy at a great Mexican restaurant in Corolla?
Was it the fact that my 6 year old truly believes that an Uno card slipped into a pair of silk panties is an acceptable substitute for a cell phone?
Without a doubt, the worst part was hearing my mother-in-law verbalize the mere existence of my panties followed by the knowing over the shoulder look from my father-in-law.
So much for “family” time in the Outer Banks.

Comments

  1. Heather M says:

    Well at least you didn’t FIND them laying on the restaurant floor and have to pick them up. You know, where all the restaurant might possibly see. I am envisioning it now though – the questions that one would be thinking about someone who wears her panties with an Uno card in them. As for the MIL part – yes, plain embarrassing.

  2. Katrina says:

    I just love this story Dr. Meyer! Your daughter has a great imagination and I feel your embarrassment. This story is a nice way to give me a kick out the door on this dreary morning. We are headed to Corolla on Saturday, so I will be on the lookout for your silk panties :-)

  3. Marilyn Clarke says:

    You have a very creative child in Hadley! I think your mother-in-law should be laughing at this incident.

  4. Caroline says:

    Love this story Christine. This will be told over and over. I be very happy they were clean panties.

  5. Lorraine Robertson says:

    Thank you Christine for making me laugh. With what has been going on in the past 4-5 months I haven’t had anything to laugh about. So thank you for putting that smile back on my face.

  6. Karl says:

    Fun times all around. Kids have great minds and can make up anything. And she gave the busboy the chance to wonder//tell a great story of just HOW those panties got on the floor!

  7. melissa q. says:

    This is Hilarious!

  8. I’m with Heather!! Good Lord, thats funny! Better there than in church back home, lol!

  9. Sandra Kowalski says:

    Just think of the joy of imagination your daughter gave to whoever at the restartaunt did the floor sweeping last night! In the words of Art Linkletter ” Kids say the darnest things” Just enjoy her, have a secret good laugh at the situation – you have to agree it is funny – and be glad you listened to your mother as a child and always had “non-holey panties”!

  10. Rebekah says:

    One of your best yet :)

  11. Anne Kutzer says:

    You always seem to top your last story – you keep me laughing.

  12. Shavaun says:

    Hilarious!

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  1. [...] if hearing my mother-in-law discuss my panties was not enough humiliation for one vacation, today my esteem took another [...]

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