Vacation Low Point: My Panties Laying On A Restaurant Floor

Don't Let Her Smile Fool You

Don’t Let Her Smile Fool You

me and haddie restaurantI will give you a moment.
You OK?
Half way through what has turned out to be a glorious and restful vacation in the Outer Banks, I hear my mother-in-law utter words that no daughter-in-law should ever have to hear.

“Hadley, are those Mommy’s panties in your purse?”

My mind spins. I am awake. This is not a dream. I have only had one mojito.

Hadley is sitting between Sandy and I on our way to dinner. On her lap, she is holding a gigantic canvas bag—her purse. Just out of the corner of that bag I see a tiny silken bit of charcoal fabric. At the moment, I am not sure what’s worse: the fact that they are, in fact, my panties or the fact that Sandy recognized them.

I give Hadley a stern look as I yank them out of her bag. She protests. “But Mama! I am using those!”

“For what?” Now I am shouting and Chris and his father are looking back. Great.

I lean in so that whatever ridiculous explanation she has does not have to be heard by all.

“I am using them as a cathe for my thell phone.” She is gritting her teeth, Her “s” sounds are lisping through the gap in her bottom row.

As I attempt to scrunch my panties into as small a ball as possible in order to make them disappear, I meet with a bit of resistence. That’s when I withdraw from the “crotch pocket” a red #7 Uno game card.

Not an Uno Card

Not an Uno Card

Hadley answers my wordless question. “That’s my thell phone–it fits perfect in that cathe.”

I am not patient nor encouraging of her lively imagination.

“That is not a cell phone and my panties are not a case! Do not ever ever do that again.”

For a moment she looks wounded then a tiny grin and giggle erupt.

She taunts me. ” I already did it last night Mama! You didn’t even see!”

Oh God. I am regretting the second Margarita at the Mexican place and the happily unaware place it took me.

Now she furrows her brows and appears a bit concerned.

“It’s a good thing you had lot’s of these same panties in your drawer Mama! Cuz, last night I dropped my other ones–it was too dark to find them on the floor.”

I am staring open mouthed.

She is naive and tries to console me.

“It’s ok Mama! I am sure they have a lost and found!”

It took a while for me to really get a hold of the situation and honestly I can’t decide the worst part.
Was it the fact that a pair of my panties were found by some hapless busboy at a great Mexican restaurant in Corolla?
Was it the fact that my 6 year old truly believes that an Uno card slipped into a pair of silk panties is an acceptable substitute for a cell phone?
Without a doubt, the worst part was hearing my mother-in-law verbalize the mere existence of my panties followed by the knowing over the shoulder look from my father-in-law.
So much for “family” time in the Outer Banks.

Comments

  1. Well at least you didn’t FIND them laying on the restaurant floor and have to pick them up. You know, where all the restaurant might possibly see. I am envisioning it now though – the questions that one would be thinking about someone who wears her panties with an Uno card in them. As for the MIL part – yes, plain embarrassing.

  2. I just love this story Dr. Meyer! Your daughter has a great imagination and I feel your embarrassment. This story is a nice way to give me a kick out the door on this dreary morning. We are headed to Corolla on Saturday, so I will be on the lookout for your silk panties :-)

  3. Marilyn Clarke says:

    You have a very creative child in Hadley! I think your mother-in-law should be laughing at this incident.

  4. Love this story Christine. This will be told over and over. I be very happy they were clean panties.

  5. Lorraine Robertson says:

    Thank you Christine for making me laugh. With what has been going on in the past 4-5 months I haven’t had anything to laugh about. So thank you for putting that smile back on my face.

  6. Fun times all around. Kids have great minds and can make up anything. And she gave the busboy the chance to wonder//tell a great story of just HOW those panties got on the floor!

  7. This is Hilarious!

  8. I’m with Heather!! Good Lord, thats funny! Better there than in church back home, lol!

  9. Sandra Kowalski says:

    Just think of the joy of imagination your daughter gave to whoever at the restartaunt did the floor sweeping last night! In the words of Art Linkletter ” Kids say the darnest things” Just enjoy her, have a secret good laugh at the situation – you have to agree it is funny – and be glad you listened to your mother as a child and always had “non-holey panties”!

  10. One of your best yet :)

  11. Anne Kutzer says:

    You always seem to top your last story – you keep me laughing.

  12. Hilarious!

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  1. [...] if hearing my mother-in-law discuss my panties was not enough humiliation for one vacation, today my esteem took another [...]

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